When does being an attentive parent mutate into spoiling?

I can honestly say I can't figure it out. I don't want my daughter to feel neglected, but I'm starting feel that we are spoiling her. I'm not sure what to do! She's 2 and a half....I dont want to create a spolied brat.When does being an attentive parent mutate into spoiling?
As a fifteen year old, I hope you'll allow to put in some of my input.





For me, my definition of spoiled isn't necessarily someone who gets a lot of stuff but someone who gets stuff and isn't thankful for what they have. They aren't grateful they don't have a roof over their head and such or they can't see how lucky they are and never stop demanding from their parents. That to me is what being spoiled is.





I will admit, I do recieve a lot of stuff from my mom. But she always said she grew up in a house of eleven kids and it wasn't fun, now that she is a very well paid nurse, she doesn't mind me things as long as I'm not ungrateful and rude about it. She wants me to know just how good I have it. And I do realize how good I have it. I have it pretty good.





There's nothing wrong with giving your child stuff but don't do it to the point where she demands and expects it. Let her know how lucky she has it. If you can, make sure she earns the stuff she recieves. Lets say when she goes to school and she gets good grades maybe give her a treat and such.





For me, when it comes Christmas time, I get a lot of money from relatives or money for Christmas and my birthday (birthday is Dec. 30). My mom and I made a deal that whatever money I get I put at least some into any charity I want. I've done that since I was five. Along with that I give away what I don't need to charity.





So as you can see, while I do recieve stuff, I don't demand for it. I will say that I do ask for my mom for maybe ten or fifteen dollars to the movie theatre's but I don't demand it. Usually she says yes, but that doesn't mean I'm spoiled, because I'm not all ungrateful when recieving it.





I'm going to be turning sixteen this year and I'm going to start driving. We made a deal on me getting a car. Since I will also be getting a job at Fashion Bug or Dots I will be making some of my own money. She said to me that she'll match whatever money I have saved up or made. So for example...if I saved up 5,000 (which I've already saved up 1,000) she'll match me that whill will be 10,000. Or I can choose that option or I can buy the car all by myself and she'll help me out with the insurance for the first few months.





I am not a spoiled person, I'm a pretty good person. I'm in all Honors classes next year except for Geometry. I don't smoke. Don't drink. I haven't had a boyfriend, but I'm too busy for that. My mother and I have our minor arguments but other than that I say we have an excellent mother/daughter relationship.





I do plan to go to college, dream college is NYU and I would love to be a young adult author and maybe try becoming a professional flutist. So I'd say I'm not a bad person and I'm not spoiled. My mother does give me things but I'm very thankful for what I have and if my dreams of being a successful author come true, hopefully I can ';spoil'; my mom one day. :)





Sorry for the long explanation but I'm trying to give an example. So as long as she doesn't demand everything or become so rude and ungrateful you're alright.





I hope you appreciate this input from a teenager.





~blondie~When does being an attentive parent mutate into spoiling?
I can't speak from experience, my son's only a baby, but I would guess you have to make sure the child knows that she doesn't necessarily get something when she demands it. Personally, I don't think it is so much the giving of surprise gifts that play the biggest part in spoiling a child, as much as the giving in to every ';Pleeeease let me have it';. As long as a child understands that she doesn't automatically get something when she wants it, and that things sometime have to be earnt, I don't see any harm in treating them every now and again.
Spoiling them with your love is not the same as spoiling them rotten. I'll admit it, I am COMPLETELY spoiled. I feel like I have the most amazing family in the world, and I have no idea what I could have done to deserve them. I can only assume that I saved a lot of people in a previous life, lol.





I am not, however, spoiled in the sense that most people think of when they hear the word ';spoiled.'; I am very grateful for everything I have and I understand that I can't always get what I want simply because I want it. I might have to do extra chores, I might be surprised with it for having really excellent behavior, or being especially kind and generous with others for an extended period of time, I might get it for my birthday or a major holiday, or I may not get it at all, because we just can't afford it.





Basically, spoil her with love, but make it clear that wanting something doesn't mean that you will get it, and that whining never works.
Spoiling them with love is never harmful.





Spoiling them by not teaching them limits and expectations or holding them accountable in an appropriate way for their actions is spoiling.
If you type spoiled child in the search engine it will give you a definition and list of how a spoiled child acts. I did it once when I got fed up with my son and stepdaughter.
Surely there's nothing wrong with spoiling your child every now and again as long you implement discipline and routine in your home.