is your line for ';better or worse'; different than prior to kids? does ';sickness and health'; mean the same? how about when it comes to your kids? does your spouse's actions/reactions come before your kids needs and emotional health - i.e. does the better or worse outrank the kids?
has your line changed since you had kids in terms of what is okay in your marriage and what isnt?Has your definition of marriage changed since you became a parent?
my kids outrank my marriage vows. if i felt that my marriage was harmful to my kids, i'd leave it. i trust that my husband would do the same, and that devotion to his kids is something i admire about him. we're adults and we can manage on our own, but our kids need us. i have never felt that my marriage and my kids were in conflict and i expect and hope they never will be. but if they were, we would split up before either of us would let our kids get hurt.
but i don't think that fact is inconsistent with what we knew and loved about one another when we got married. so in answer to your title question, no i don't think my definition has changed.Has your definition of marriage changed since you became a parent?
My definition of commitment has changed. I've never been married as you know so I can't apply it to the M word.
Before kids, I was all about us, we can work on anything, hard times are okay, we can work past ANYTHING.
After having my daughter, It was all about HER. Her needs, her well being. We can't be in an unhealthy relationship because it's not fair to her. She shouldn't have to witness the bad times and possibly be scarred by it. You can only work on something for so long without the other person realizing how things are and what they need to do. It comes from both sides.
I was with someone 7 years before having a child, and trying my hardest to work things out for a year after wards. The things I considered okay to work on before, no longer were.
My husband and I became parents before we were married. We got married when our daughter was 13 months old, and I was 5 weeks pregnant with our now 11 month old son.
To me, nothing has changed. Around the time of our daughter's disgnosis of microcephaly, we went through a very rough patch and nearly divorced over it, but we both got some help because we felt it was best to work hard on our marriage, like we always said we would, and we would fight to stay together, for both our sakes', our son's sake and especially our daughter's sake.
Our daughter, especially, needs both of her parents as she goes through this tough period in her life.
For better or for worse...we fought harder BECAUSE we were married, and had lots to lose on both ends.
In sickness and in health...well, I guess that has new meaning for us, but since we decided to stay together, things have been 100 times better, and our daughter, although not where we were hoping she would be after her therapies, is thriving much better than she was before.
No, my definition of marriage has not changed. For better or for worse still means just that: For the best of the best or for the worst of the worst. In sickness and in health? All the same.
Since having kids our marriage has strengthened. My kids do not outrank my marriage vows because I committed to my husband first. Call me selfish or wrong, but that's how I see it.
When it comes to our kids, we both know that a lot of times since our kids still depend on us for everything we have to put them before ourselves. But we do not put them above the marriage. For us, without a healthy marriage we cannot have a healthy family and have healthy relationships with our kids. So we still put the marriage first when needed.
Both my husband and I are committed to work through every last problem, no matter how great or small, together.
Of course if either of us was being chronically abusive we have to put our kids' safety and our own safety first until we can get the proper help. That's a no brainer.
But we see no problem that could arise in our marriage as impossible to work through together. It may take months, weeks, even years or decades. We are still committed to work through them in a healthy way. That may mean separation for a time or it may mean talking a long while after the kids are in bed. Divorce is just not an option for us as long as we are both willing to work together and trust God with our marriage and our family.
Only in the sense that decisions that were good for US, before children, now had to be changed to decisions that were good for all of us. My marriage is my second highest priority- my kids are my first. BUT to me, they are both kind of tied together. By putting my kids as my first priority, that involves them having the healthiest, best parental role models possible- right now that is my husband and I, constantly working to improve our marriage, and trying to display the personal qualities we deem most important. For other people that might mean having to cut one parent out of the child/rens life completely, because it's in the child's best interests. And for others it could mean separation or divorce, because once again, it's in the children's ultimate best interests. In that way, my marriage comes before my kids- I would be willing to sacrifice it, if that was what was best for my children.
I guess my definition has also changed after becoming a parent, in that I now believe marriage really means becoming a team. You have to work together for everything- your marriage, your children, your finances, your home, your happiness as a couple, family and individual. Both halves need to be working towards it, in order to achieve anything.
I think I need more coffee. I'm rambling now
Well, I was a parent before I was married so that part doesn't really apply to me much.
We wrote our own vows and *for better or worse* was not in there. Not to say we won't stick around when times get tough, but it's always been understood that certain things would likely end in a divorce for us and neither of us felt truly comfortable saying that line. I think that's one of the reasons we don't do things to hurt each other (not the main reason- obviously we don't hurt each other because we don't want to) but we know that we are not able to control or stop the other person from hitting the road if one of us screws up big time.
I do think having kids keeps us more sane. Every action we take takes in account the kids lives and we know our choices reflect that.
But nope.. if he (or I) turn into big dipshiz's then we won't subject the kids to it.
For me, my marriage has only strengthened since Benteley. I agree with the first answerer, my son outranks my marriage vows, by far. Because even though I love my husband more than anyone (except Bentley) he has flaws that I can't help but to notice!
And, with your child their flaws are adorable(:
I guess what I'm trying to say is that since marriage, I think that we've become stronger, because we have someone else to take care of that we love very much, and I think that it's just really great for us to have a little baby around the house, because everything is just so much happier.
But before Benteley (my son), my husband used to come home and I'd jump into his arms! Now it's Benteley that's in his arms!
No my marriage has not changed much at all. We do have our moments where the kids come first, but our marriage still out ranks our children. As Gabrielle said, I married and committed to my husband first. But that does not mean our kids are any less important.
When we said for better or for worse we took that literally.
Im not married,I am with the father of my child. But my child will always come first before and after marriage.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
What is the best thing to do for your elderly parent?
Is it better to invest in a good life insurance policy that will pay out several thousand dollars, or to start investing in some kind of end of life burial? I don't have a clue how I would pursue the latter. Any suggestions of where and how to start?What is the best thing to do for your elderly parent?
First of all, I am over 70, and my wife is close to that. Our parents have been long gone, but we learned from them that we needed to get some things lined up so our kids don't have to be responsible for everything when we kick off.
We prepaid our funeral expenses. We opted for cremation, with no frills, no casket, no urn, no funeral service. If the kids want a memorial service a few months after our deaths, they can handle that part.
We both have life insurance policies that will help the kids eliminate their personal debt, or spend it on riotous living, their choice. They will only be stuck with disposing with our 50 years of accumulated junk. That could be fun, or maybe not.
You should discuss this with your parents, and hopefully come to some meaningful conclusions. Best of luck.What is the best thing to do for your elderly parent?
I think you should sit down with them and ask them what there financial situation is. If they have a good amount but away you may have no need to, as most parents want to leave their children money. Tell them why you want to do this. If you want to receive a large amount of money at their death you would need to buy a whole life insurance policy and they are expensive. If you can afford it great.
If they have the burial arrangements made and paid for great, if not then you might want to help them get this set up so that it won't be a hassle in the end.
If they are poor due to SS not paying out enough the best thing you could do is to invest in a portfolio with a financial adviser for them in your name. Then give them a certain amount of money made each year or quarter what ever the financial adviser suggests...nice way to help them live better while still here. Make sure you have a trusted financial adviser, talk to a friend or colleague that has good amount of money saved and invested and ask them who they use.
Are you thinking of investing for your parents? Or for yourself? Your question isn't really clear.
If it's for your parents, depending on their age, social security or old age assistance in Canada are already happening , extra amounts of money may put them in a different tax bracket and could cut the monies they receive. If they ' saved'; money through pesnion savings plan depending on their age they can access that as well. In Canada I believe it's at age 70 they can lifquidate their rrsps.
Seeking advice for something like this on the internet I think sets you up for scam artists and hustlers. Talk to your friends, talk to other people who you know are steady financial advisors and ask them where to start.
Dang Bernie, ya wanna make a profit on their ';passing away';? Do ya ever think of saying to them how much ya love them and how thankful you are for all the things they have done for you? or the times they were there to help you through rough times? Ever just pick up the phone and call to see how they are doing? This is what you can do for them, and , oh yea, visit them on a regular basis
My Mother and I are very close and we have had many conversations about what she wants when she dies. She is 92. I went to the funeral home with her and helped her pick everything out. She told me the hymns she wants and the music she wants. She wants her service at the church where she has been a member since she was 12. Mom was always up for fun and a party so after we bury her, she wants us to all go to her place and have a big party. Eat, drink and be merry.
Treat them like you would want to be treated ; and above all respect them.
If they are receptive to discussing burial or insurance, then do so ; but I would give them the choice in both categories.
First tell them you love them over and over again. Ask them what they want. Just make sure their burial expenses are paid for beforehand so you don't go through the wringer at the last moment.
If it's for your parents' sake, think of something they can appreciate and enjoy while still alive.
First of all, I am over 70, and my wife is close to that. Our parents have been long gone, but we learned from them that we needed to get some things lined up so our kids don't have to be responsible for everything when we kick off.
We prepaid our funeral expenses. We opted for cremation, with no frills, no casket, no urn, no funeral service. If the kids want a memorial service a few months after our deaths, they can handle that part.
We both have life insurance policies that will help the kids eliminate their personal debt, or spend it on riotous living, their choice. They will only be stuck with disposing with our 50 years of accumulated junk. That could be fun, or maybe not.
You should discuss this with your parents, and hopefully come to some meaningful conclusions. Best of luck.What is the best thing to do for your elderly parent?
I think you should sit down with them and ask them what there financial situation is. If they have a good amount but away you may have no need to, as most parents want to leave their children money. Tell them why you want to do this. If you want to receive a large amount of money at their death you would need to buy a whole life insurance policy and they are expensive. If you can afford it great.
If they have the burial arrangements made and paid for great, if not then you might want to help them get this set up so that it won't be a hassle in the end.
If they are poor due to SS not paying out enough the best thing you could do is to invest in a portfolio with a financial adviser for them in your name. Then give them a certain amount of money made each year or quarter what ever the financial adviser suggests...nice way to help them live better while still here. Make sure you have a trusted financial adviser, talk to a friend or colleague that has good amount of money saved and invested and ask them who they use.
Are you thinking of investing for your parents? Or for yourself? Your question isn't really clear.
If it's for your parents, depending on their age, social security or old age assistance in Canada are already happening , extra amounts of money may put them in a different tax bracket and could cut the monies they receive. If they ' saved'; money through pesnion savings plan depending on their age they can access that as well. In Canada I believe it's at age 70 they can lifquidate their rrsps.
Seeking advice for something like this on the internet I think sets you up for scam artists and hustlers. Talk to your friends, talk to other people who you know are steady financial advisors and ask them where to start.
Dang Bernie, ya wanna make a profit on their ';passing away';? Do ya ever think of saying to them how much ya love them and how thankful you are for all the things they have done for you? or the times they were there to help you through rough times? Ever just pick up the phone and call to see how they are doing? This is what you can do for them, and , oh yea, visit them on a regular basis
My Mother and I are very close and we have had many conversations about what she wants when she dies. She is 92. I went to the funeral home with her and helped her pick everything out. She told me the hymns she wants and the music she wants. She wants her service at the church where she has been a member since she was 12. Mom was always up for fun and a party so after we bury her, she wants us to all go to her place and have a big party. Eat, drink and be merry.
Treat them like you would want to be treated ; and above all respect them.
If they are receptive to discussing burial or insurance, then do so ; but I would give them the choice in both categories.
First tell them you love them over and over again. Ask them what they want. Just make sure their burial expenses are paid for beforehand so you don't go through the wringer at the last moment.
If it's for your parents' sake, think of something they can appreciate and enjoy while still alive.
Elementary Schools:What are your main concerns are as a parent of young children in school?
Any age really, but especially PreK- 6th grade.
What, if anything can your child's teachers do to help out?Elementary Schools:What are your main concerns are as a parent of young children in school?
There are too many horrible things happening in schools these days! Teacher have been doing a pretty decent job controlling violence but parents need to get involved too!
%26lt;------Supporter for children's rightsElementary Schools:What are your main concerns are as a parent of young children in school?
I think it's F*ed up that the teachers have to buy their own supplies. I always save my boxtops for education and give them to my son's teacher. I think it helps, even if it is just a few dollars worth every month.
My son is in a great elementary school. It's an inner city school but it is better than even private schools in our area. My son knows how to read and tell time in kindergarten. He never attended any preschool or pre-k.
I think parents should read to their kids and encourage them to use proper grammar. It is cool to talk ghetto but it's one of the reasons kids do bad on the language arts part of standardized tests. I enjoyed reading all the Harry Potter books with my son. He also gets a library book every week. He likes getting 5th grade reading level books just to show he can do it.
Bullies. My son's school has a No Bully policy and a group of teachers who try to prevent it but my son hates school because of 3 kids. I don't know what the teachers can do other than what they're already doing. The kids that pick on my kid are sneaky little .... you know.
School bullying is my greatest concern.
All you can do is make sure the teacher knows you are pro-active so she/he will make your child a priority.
When the teacher sends our requests for supplies and whatnot follow through and help out.
Volunteer in the class room if you can.
When you pick you child up from school make an effort to ask the teacher how your child is doing.
Well.... i'm worried about the 'things' Children are watching and doing these days lol x
Also, the strangers and the friends that convince them to do something they shouldn't! Keep watch at all times! x
oh and also Bullying! Teachers never notice this, i don't think!
It can be as small as laughing at them or as big as physically hitting them just because they don't like them for no reason...
XOXOXxx
im not a parent but if i was id be concerned about bombings! there was like 3 bomb threats at my school!!! but never a real bombing just threats.
MICHAEL JACKSON
penis
What, if anything can your child's teachers do to help out?Elementary Schools:What are your main concerns are as a parent of young children in school?
There are too many horrible things happening in schools these days! Teacher have been doing a pretty decent job controlling violence but parents need to get involved too!
%26lt;------Supporter for children's rightsElementary Schools:What are your main concerns are as a parent of young children in school?
I think it's F*ed up that the teachers have to buy their own supplies. I always save my boxtops for education and give them to my son's teacher. I think it helps, even if it is just a few dollars worth every month.
My son is in a great elementary school. It's an inner city school but it is better than even private schools in our area. My son knows how to read and tell time in kindergarten. He never attended any preschool or pre-k.
I think parents should read to their kids and encourage them to use proper grammar. It is cool to talk ghetto but it's one of the reasons kids do bad on the language arts part of standardized tests. I enjoyed reading all the Harry Potter books with my son. He also gets a library book every week. He likes getting 5th grade reading level books just to show he can do it.
Bullies. My son's school has a No Bully policy and a group of teachers who try to prevent it but my son hates school because of 3 kids. I don't know what the teachers can do other than what they're already doing. The kids that pick on my kid are sneaky little .... you know.
School bullying is my greatest concern.
All you can do is make sure the teacher knows you are pro-active so she/he will make your child a priority.
When the teacher sends our requests for supplies and whatnot follow through and help out.
Volunteer in the class room if you can.
When you pick you child up from school make an effort to ask the teacher how your child is doing.
Well.... i'm worried about the 'things' Children are watching and doing these days lol x
Also, the strangers and the friends that convince them to do something they shouldn't! Keep watch at all times! x
oh and also Bullying! Teachers never notice this, i don't think!
It can be as small as laughing at them or as big as physically hitting them just because they don't like them for no reason...
XOXOXxx
im not a parent but if i was id be concerned about bombings! there was like 3 bomb threats at my school!!! but never a real bombing just threats.
MICHAEL JACKSON
penis
How can i find out the results of my Conners-Parent Short?
My son is due for his IEP in March. His school has sent over a Conners 3tm-Parent Short form. How can I find out the results myself?How can i find out the results of my Conners-Parent Short?
The only way you will be able to do that is to go online and buy the scoring booklet. Please be as objective in your ratings as possible or you will receive a false score. If your child has ADHD, it is important for you and his teacher to know.
The only way you will be able to do that is to go online and buy the scoring booklet. Please be as objective in your ratings as possible or you will receive a false score. If your child has ADHD, it is important for you and his teacher to know.
How is a parent's life affected if their child has a disorder?
How does it affect them emotionally and what are some of disadvantages and also how does it affect their lifeHow is a parent's life affected if their child has a disorder?
sorry question is pretty vague. erm I can only give you my interpretation of my son who is just growing out of developmental delays, why me, I don't think comes into it, as it is your child who you kind of feel sorry for, not yourself, guess it depends how much time you have to dwell on the subject, with a health problem, appointments, daily tasks etc, probably take over most emotions. Jealousy is there, not in a shes got kid with no problems, I want her child, but more, why can't my child have it as easy as hers, and why doesn't the mother appreciate her kid more, you know what I mean? I get very frustrated with parents who don;'t listen to their kids, as mine didn't talk and had problems speaking for years. Priorities kind of sort themselves out, for instance my son still has problems with reading, I don;t give two hoots if he doesn't sing in the latest school concert, which is essential neccessity for lots of parents. Reading is the priority, thats why he goes to school. In the early years I guess awkwardness is hard, people feeling sorry for you is horrible. I think deep down though it really does make you a stronger person, and what doesn't kill you, always makes you stronger. I think it makes you closer to your child, I don't have another kid to compare, but we share the same sense of humour, enjoy time together, and have fun, and thats what is important in life.
I don;t know whether you are the parent, child or relalive, but go with your instincts, it will make you harder on the outside, but softer on the inside. Hope that helps, good luck !!How is a parent's life affected if their child has a disorder?
Depends on the disorder. That's far too vague a question to answer with specifics.stella mccartney
sorry question is pretty vague. erm I can only give you my interpretation of my son who is just growing out of developmental delays, why me, I don't think comes into it, as it is your child who you kind of feel sorry for, not yourself, guess it depends how much time you have to dwell on the subject, with a health problem, appointments, daily tasks etc, probably take over most emotions. Jealousy is there, not in a shes got kid with no problems, I want her child, but more, why can't my child have it as easy as hers, and why doesn't the mother appreciate her kid more, you know what I mean? I get very frustrated with parents who don;'t listen to their kids, as mine didn't talk and had problems speaking for years. Priorities kind of sort themselves out, for instance my son still has problems with reading, I don;t give two hoots if he doesn't sing in the latest school concert, which is essential neccessity for lots of parents. Reading is the priority, thats why he goes to school. In the early years I guess awkwardness is hard, people feeling sorry for you is horrible. I think deep down though it really does make you a stronger person, and what doesn't kill you, always makes you stronger. I think it makes you closer to your child, I don't have another kid to compare, but we share the same sense of humour, enjoy time together, and have fun, and thats what is important in life.
I don;t know whether you are the parent, child or relalive, but go with your instincts, it will make you harder on the outside, but softer on the inside. Hope that helps, good luck !!How is a parent's life affected if their child has a disorder?
Depends on the disorder. That's far too vague a question to answer with specifics.
Do two aparents do a better job than one natural parent?
The NCFA believes that single mothers should consider adoption based soley on the fact that she's a single mother. In their opinion two ( stranger ) adoptive parents would do a better job at parenting than one single natural parent to the child.
What is your opinion on this?Do two aparents do a better job than one natural parent?
Only 16 percent of adopted kids grow up in two parent homes compared to 24 percent of national average.
People promise a natural mother her child will have a two parent family and therefore they are better than her (single) then go ahead and get divorced anyway. It's BS.Do two aparents do a better job than one natural parent?
I think if a couple can not have children then they treat the adopted kid like thier own because they do not know any other way! But I think if a couple has kids of thier own and then adopt, they treat the adopted kid different, trust me I have seen this numerous times! I feel a natural mother can love her child more then anyone else, but it can also be a natural mother that is a horrible person that beats and mistreats her children and in that case they would have been better off being adopted out! So there are so many differnt situtations that change the picture! But a single mother can raise her children just fine! I raised my first 2 boys all by myself with out thier fathers!
The question as asked depends entirely on the individual parents.
I don't think that single motherhood alone is a reason a woman should relinquish. It's challenging to be a single parent, but it's certainly doable. If a mother is otherwise willing and able to parent, she should do so, even as a single mother.
I guess what it comes down to for me is that it shouldn't be ASSUMED that a two parent household is better. Children can be raised with love and proper care by a single parent just as well as they can by two.
I forget, does that stand for National Council Fomenting Adoption, or National Council F***ing up Adoptions?
And don't forget that these are the same people that promote the term ';biological stranger'; to refer to first parents.
Of course the whole idea is ridiculous and insulting to all single parents.
Yes, of course it is easier to have a co-parent. Also easier with grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, loving neighbors, community of all sorts. Single parents do not raise their kids in a vacuum. Single parents often marry. Married parents often divorce. Parents die.
Things happen. The particular circumstances into which a child is born don't stay static their whole life. To suggest that a loving single parent (or widowed or divorced?) automatically would be worse than a random couple is horribly insulting and totally wrong and ignorant.
But we understand why they are saying this, right? Need to keep the ';supply'; of babies up. Where else do their salaries come from?
I have seen my son's first mother's other children, both older, and younger.
I know that I'm a better parent than she is, and I'm strictly talking about emotionally, and hands on physically. Financially, I'm much better off, but it has nothing to do with the fact that her older child has no self confidence, he acts afraid of everything, he panics if he sees a police car (he's never been in DHS custody), and his grades aren't good in school, because he's a stressed child. It's also a fact that he's been stressed for 6 years before our son was born. Our son's younger sister suffers from stomach problems from stress. Out of her three children, the son I am raising is the healthiest, the happiest, the most expressive, and the most confident, even at a year old, and I know it's parenting, not the financial or the one or two factor. As a matter of fact, she's around her children's father 99% of the time, and I'm legally a single adoptive parent, although my fiance is the world's best father in my opinion, and always will be for this child, even when he's on the road working. When their first mom stayed with me a few months ago, it was then that our son became temporarily stressed, and ironically, his problems ended when she left.
Statistically.. children with a good father-figure have a MUCH better chance in many areas.. You can't argue with statistics.. they've been doing those studies for years.
Does that mean that the prospect of single parenthood is a reason to relinquish a child for adoption... No... absolutely not. Certainly women should not be told or pressured that their child is better off with someone else, because thta someone else has a husband. If a woman truly feels (without being pressured or brainwashed into thinking so) that she wants two parents for her child, and choses to relinquish for adoption based on that, then okay.. but she should never be told by others that she needs to. Especially because she may not always be single.. and the adoptive parents may not always be together...
Her'es the deal... Two-parents is the IDEALl.. But it's not always an option. And do we need the BEST to have a GOOD life.. even a GREAT one... No, certainly not.
It's the same with adoption... being raised by loving biological parents is the BEST... but sometimes the BEST isn't an option, and isn't necessary for a good life and a well-adjusted and sucessful individual.
The question is ridiculous because it doesn't take into account the many variables. Are the two adoptive parents in a stable relationship and able to take on the responsibilities of parenting? Is the single mother unstable mentally or financially?
Or, is the single mother level headed with a good job and a great support system? Are the adoptive parents teetering on divorce? So many scenarios. No one should consider any situation except individually.
No, two adoptive parents are not automatically better than one natural parent (which is often a single mother).
Many children are raised by single mothers, and they grow up to become smart, talented, compassionate adults.
Those who promote adoption into a two parent adoptive household as the solution for single motherhood are biased. They are usually making negative assumptions about the mother based on their personal or religious beliefs. And some of them are using adoption as a way to make money (as in the NCFA agencies who charge many thousands of dollars for adoption services).
I look at the question as ';does a family with both set of parents do a better job than a single parent ?'; I don't see why ';a'; or natural needs to be added in this circumstance.
My answer is: There is every chance a single parent or a family with both sets will raise the child equally well. But having both sets makes it easier on the child. I have seen fabolous single mothers. I have also heard them tell their experience of handling their children's questions about their dad. Its hard for them. But i have no doubt they are very good parents.
-this dogma only works for those stuck in the 50s, have their head stuck in a bible, or their hand stuck in the pile of money funding adoption. -funny, iwas a single mother prior to my marriage in 2000 and had more education than 80% of america(most do not have college degrees). -my son was an honor student and hasn't ever been in trouble. -in other words, there are no absolutes. -also I think it's pretty damn tacky for older adults to compare themselves to a young scared pregnant woman. -of COURSE an adult will be better off; but that dosn't make them a better parent.
-i wholeheartedly believe that iwas a much better parent then the married doctor's wife who only wanted my son to try and cure her infertility.
No one is frozen in time. Just because a woman is single right now doesn't mean she will not marry. And, children before marriage is no longer an impediment to that. I was married within a year of losing my son, and he would have been a welcome addition to my marriageability.
A married couple can divorce. A stress factor like infertility is an added risk for divorce. So, a couple that is married when they adopt can be divorced immediately. I have seen many statistics that suggest that adopters have a higher rate of divorce than the norm, so this married argument doesn't hold.
Then there are the myriad adopting who are single which sort of shoots the entire single mother argument right in the foot, doesn't it, and takes the argument right straight back to where it belongs....who has the money?
Why do people think like that? But then we're humans, so we are logical.
Why aren't you asking your government for single mothers pensions or at least some help? Just to remove the financial side of babies being given up for adoption. ( I know it can be abused by some people, but they are in the minority.)
They went from 10,000 adoptions nation wide to a few hundred in 10 years when that happened here. And we have less tax payers than America does. (If you do have that support no one has mentioned it here.)
I think it just depends there are some excellent single parents both single mother and single fathers. There are some not so excellent single parents. However it goes the other way excellent two parent homes, and not so excellent two parent homes. No one should have to place their child for adoption simple because they are a single parent. Families come in all kinds some people have 2 mom鈥檚 or dad鈥檚 some people are being raised by a grandparent or Aunt/Uncle etc.
Plus you just never know when you might become a single parent. I volunteer with a woman who lost her husband this past May to a heart attack. They had two children under 13 years old. So she has now gone from being a two parent home to being a single mother. Of course she could one day remarry and then have a 2 parent home again.
Certainly there are benefits of having a 2 parent home assuming that you and your spouse/partner share responsibilities. My brother is married but he pretty much does everything for the kids so in some ways he is a single dad even though he is married. He is the one to always get them up for school, while my SIL sleeps in. He is the one that makes dinner the majority of the time, while my SIL is doing other things.
';The NCFA believes that single mothers should consider adoption based soley on the fact that she's a single mother. In their opinion two ( stranger ) adoptive parents would do a better job at parenting than one single natural parent to the child.';
Hmmmm reminds me of some of the same crap that was used to screw with my mind until they made sure they had my child.
Yep the NCFA will say whatever it takes to keep the money rolling in for the baby brokers, oops I mean agencies...
Hi Gershom,
LOL, I'm with Rose here.
eff the NCFA!
There are way too many variables to make such huge assumptions and generalizations.
What if the child has two horrible aparents instead of one amazing natural parent? You could make a list a mile long of all the different scenarios that could be played out here. So in the end, i'm back to eff the NCFA for making such a huge generalization. What a joke.
I believe that if the natural parent(s) cannot parent their children, any willing, loving, dedicated person or persons who want to parent a child is better... whether is is a single person or a couple.
Being single should NOT be a reason to place a child into adoption unless the mother DOES NOT WANT TO PARENT THE CHILD. Those are two different issues.
natural or adopted, my answer is yes.
BECAUSE when you are both mom and dad and you are carrying every frustration on your own with no one to share it with, it can take its toll. it's not necessarily that two people are better parents to the child but rather, they are better partners to each other thus allowing each to be a better parent to the child.
jeez, i don't know if i can properly explain this. being a single parent, you have everything on your shoulders; being one of two, you have someone to share the responsibilities with. When you need 'that break' (which we all do), you can go to lunch with friends (baby free) while your partner stays home with the baby. It allows you to get out and be a person for a short while -- refresh yourself to be better.
but when you're the only one getting up in the middle of the night, day in and day out; you're the only one bringing home a (meager) paycheck; you're the only one to be mom and dad; you're the only one to handle everything . . .it can take its toll sometimes.
but when you have someone to share the ups and downs wtih, it helps you as a person. and when you feel better, you can be a better parent.
i really hope i got my point across...i suppose if we were talking in person, i'd be waving my hands because that magically helps me get my point across lol
but i'm not saying that it means all single parents shoudl automatically give their kids up to two parents..
I think as long as you have good people to raise kids it doesn't matter if they are one natural parent (like myself) or two adoptive parents.
I have two children and I think am doing a good Job at it, my daughter is the first kid in her kindergarten that is reading, and is well mannered child.
I can't say I agree with the NCFA.
I know lots of single mothers with amazing family support.
I was raised by a single mother, the BEING SINGLE part was't what hurt me as a child, it was everything else.
I could be a single mother in an instant. Life is short and you just never know when it's your or our partner's time to go. That wouldn't automatically make me a bad mother
maybe..but id never give up my son due to me being a single mama...i love him way to much to loose him...and we cant help it that we are the single parents its the guys fault for making it that way and not giving a rats *** about their own children!so no...*** the NCFA whatever they have to say....we can do it on our own being single...there are tough times yes but we all get through them tough times...and the fathers are the ones that make us single remember that!!
It's easier to raise a child with two parents. But easier doesn't necessarily mean better.
Aren't all newborns strangers to their parents or does a ';natural'; mother always understand what her baby is communicating when she/he cries or fusses or frowns or gurgles or makes that poopy face?
2 is BETTER... coming from a single mom. One person simply is not able to give as much as 2, and with 2 you have 2 minds, 2 ways of thinking, 2 to share the burden %26amp; the joys.
Doesn't matter how smart, fit, dedicated %26amp; devoted she/he is. It's just not possible to give as much as 2.
according to some yes.
But what bothers me is if something happens to the two parents and they become one parent are they in the same category that the single parent was in in the beginning? If so then what? Should they consider surrendering the child?
Sometimes. Depends on the individuals involved.
But I don't see being a single parent as automatically being a bad parent, either. I'm sure being a single parent is extremely difficult, but not impossible.
no! it depends on the morals of the people/person. wat if two of them are drug additcs and the one mom is a happy go lucky supporting person? you have to take each situation into account..
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;鈥?/a>
Well let's see - my ONE natural mother abandoned me at birth.
My TWO adoptive parents abandoned me after the birth of my son.
Nope, my TWO adoptive parents sucked 2x more then my ONE natural mother.
The NCFA can go screw themselves.
I believe two parents would generally do a better job than one. People that adopt have made a decision to raise that child as their own. Not that a single mother cannot do a good job, many do.
It would have to depend upon the natural parent just as it would have to depend upon the two adoptive parents.
Quality not quantity should be the focus.
I think if your a single mother you can do it.You shouldn't have to adopt your child out just because you are a single parent.My mom was with 4 kids for 16 years!She has done a wonderful job!
I think the NCFA is all wet.
I do agree it's a lot more work to do a good job without a spouse, but that is not a reason to tell a woman she ';should'; give her children up for adoption.
cw
I know single parents and I know couple parents.
Both have positive and negative aspects and I think it really depends on the parent(s) instead of whether they are a couple or a single.
What is your opinion on this?Do two aparents do a better job than one natural parent?
Only 16 percent of adopted kids grow up in two parent homes compared to 24 percent of national average.
People promise a natural mother her child will have a two parent family and therefore they are better than her (single) then go ahead and get divorced anyway. It's BS.Do two aparents do a better job than one natural parent?
I think if a couple can not have children then they treat the adopted kid like thier own because they do not know any other way! But I think if a couple has kids of thier own and then adopt, they treat the adopted kid different, trust me I have seen this numerous times! I feel a natural mother can love her child more then anyone else, but it can also be a natural mother that is a horrible person that beats and mistreats her children and in that case they would have been better off being adopted out! So there are so many differnt situtations that change the picture! But a single mother can raise her children just fine! I raised my first 2 boys all by myself with out thier fathers!
The question as asked depends entirely on the individual parents.
I don't think that single motherhood alone is a reason a woman should relinquish. It's challenging to be a single parent, but it's certainly doable. If a mother is otherwise willing and able to parent, she should do so, even as a single mother.
I guess what it comes down to for me is that it shouldn't be ASSUMED that a two parent household is better. Children can be raised with love and proper care by a single parent just as well as they can by two.
I forget, does that stand for National Council Fomenting Adoption, or National Council F***ing up Adoptions?
And don't forget that these are the same people that promote the term ';biological stranger'; to refer to first parents.
Of course the whole idea is ridiculous and insulting to all single parents.
Yes, of course it is easier to have a co-parent. Also easier with grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, loving neighbors, community of all sorts. Single parents do not raise their kids in a vacuum. Single parents often marry. Married parents often divorce. Parents die.
Things happen. The particular circumstances into which a child is born don't stay static their whole life. To suggest that a loving single parent (or widowed or divorced?) automatically would be worse than a random couple is horribly insulting and totally wrong and ignorant.
But we understand why they are saying this, right? Need to keep the ';supply'; of babies up. Where else do their salaries come from?
I have seen my son's first mother's other children, both older, and younger.
I know that I'm a better parent than she is, and I'm strictly talking about emotionally, and hands on physically. Financially, I'm much better off, but it has nothing to do with the fact that her older child has no self confidence, he acts afraid of everything, he panics if he sees a police car (he's never been in DHS custody), and his grades aren't good in school, because he's a stressed child. It's also a fact that he's been stressed for 6 years before our son was born. Our son's younger sister suffers from stomach problems from stress. Out of her three children, the son I am raising is the healthiest, the happiest, the most expressive, and the most confident, even at a year old, and I know it's parenting, not the financial or the one or two factor. As a matter of fact, she's around her children's father 99% of the time, and I'm legally a single adoptive parent, although my fiance is the world's best father in my opinion, and always will be for this child, even when he's on the road working. When their first mom stayed with me a few months ago, it was then that our son became temporarily stressed, and ironically, his problems ended when she left.
Statistically.. children with a good father-figure have a MUCH better chance in many areas.. You can't argue with statistics.. they've been doing those studies for years.
Does that mean that the prospect of single parenthood is a reason to relinquish a child for adoption... No... absolutely not. Certainly women should not be told or pressured that their child is better off with someone else, because thta someone else has a husband. If a woman truly feels (without being pressured or brainwashed into thinking so) that she wants two parents for her child, and choses to relinquish for adoption based on that, then okay.. but she should never be told by others that she needs to. Especially because she may not always be single.. and the adoptive parents may not always be together...
Her'es the deal... Two-parents is the IDEALl.. But it's not always an option. And do we need the BEST to have a GOOD life.. even a GREAT one... No, certainly not.
It's the same with adoption... being raised by loving biological parents is the BEST... but sometimes the BEST isn't an option, and isn't necessary for a good life and a well-adjusted and sucessful individual.
The question is ridiculous because it doesn't take into account the many variables. Are the two adoptive parents in a stable relationship and able to take on the responsibilities of parenting? Is the single mother unstable mentally or financially?
Or, is the single mother level headed with a good job and a great support system? Are the adoptive parents teetering on divorce? So many scenarios. No one should consider any situation except individually.
No, two adoptive parents are not automatically better than one natural parent (which is often a single mother).
Many children are raised by single mothers, and they grow up to become smart, talented, compassionate adults.
Those who promote adoption into a two parent adoptive household as the solution for single motherhood are biased. They are usually making negative assumptions about the mother based on their personal or religious beliefs. And some of them are using adoption as a way to make money (as in the NCFA agencies who charge many thousands of dollars for adoption services).
I look at the question as ';does a family with both set of parents do a better job than a single parent ?'; I don't see why ';a'; or natural needs to be added in this circumstance.
My answer is: There is every chance a single parent or a family with both sets will raise the child equally well. But having both sets makes it easier on the child. I have seen fabolous single mothers. I have also heard them tell their experience of handling their children's questions about their dad. Its hard for them. But i have no doubt they are very good parents.
-this dogma only works for those stuck in the 50s, have their head stuck in a bible, or their hand stuck in the pile of money funding adoption. -funny, iwas a single mother prior to my marriage in 2000 and had more education than 80% of america(most do not have college degrees). -my son was an honor student and hasn't ever been in trouble. -in other words, there are no absolutes. -also I think it's pretty damn tacky for older adults to compare themselves to a young scared pregnant woman. -of COURSE an adult will be better off; but that dosn't make them a better parent.
-i wholeheartedly believe that iwas a much better parent then the married doctor's wife who only wanted my son to try and cure her infertility.
No one is frozen in time. Just because a woman is single right now doesn't mean she will not marry. And, children before marriage is no longer an impediment to that. I was married within a year of losing my son, and he would have been a welcome addition to my marriageability.
A married couple can divorce. A stress factor like infertility is an added risk for divorce. So, a couple that is married when they adopt can be divorced immediately. I have seen many statistics that suggest that adopters have a higher rate of divorce than the norm, so this married argument doesn't hold.
Then there are the myriad adopting who are single which sort of shoots the entire single mother argument right in the foot, doesn't it, and takes the argument right straight back to where it belongs....who has the money?
Why do people think like that? But then we're humans, so we are logical.
Why aren't you asking your government for single mothers pensions or at least some help? Just to remove the financial side of babies being given up for adoption. ( I know it can be abused by some people, but they are in the minority.)
They went from 10,000 adoptions nation wide to a few hundred in 10 years when that happened here. And we have less tax payers than America does. (If you do have that support no one has mentioned it here.)
I think it just depends there are some excellent single parents both single mother and single fathers. There are some not so excellent single parents. However it goes the other way excellent two parent homes, and not so excellent two parent homes. No one should have to place their child for adoption simple because they are a single parent. Families come in all kinds some people have 2 mom鈥檚 or dad鈥檚 some people are being raised by a grandparent or Aunt/Uncle etc.
Plus you just never know when you might become a single parent. I volunteer with a woman who lost her husband this past May to a heart attack. They had two children under 13 years old. So she has now gone from being a two parent home to being a single mother. Of course she could one day remarry and then have a 2 parent home again.
Certainly there are benefits of having a 2 parent home assuming that you and your spouse/partner share responsibilities. My brother is married but he pretty much does everything for the kids so in some ways he is a single dad even though he is married. He is the one to always get them up for school, while my SIL sleeps in. He is the one that makes dinner the majority of the time, while my SIL is doing other things.
';The NCFA believes that single mothers should consider adoption based soley on the fact that she's a single mother. In their opinion two ( stranger ) adoptive parents would do a better job at parenting than one single natural parent to the child.';
Hmmmm reminds me of some of the same crap that was used to screw with my mind until they made sure they had my child.
Yep the NCFA will say whatever it takes to keep the money rolling in for the baby brokers, oops I mean agencies...
Hi Gershom,
LOL, I'm with Rose here.
eff the NCFA!
There are way too many variables to make such huge assumptions and generalizations.
What if the child has two horrible aparents instead of one amazing natural parent? You could make a list a mile long of all the different scenarios that could be played out here. So in the end, i'm back to eff the NCFA for making such a huge generalization. What a joke.
I believe that if the natural parent(s) cannot parent their children, any willing, loving, dedicated person or persons who want to parent a child is better... whether is is a single person or a couple.
Being single should NOT be a reason to place a child into adoption unless the mother DOES NOT WANT TO PARENT THE CHILD. Those are two different issues.
natural or adopted, my answer is yes.
BECAUSE when you are both mom and dad and you are carrying every frustration on your own with no one to share it with, it can take its toll. it's not necessarily that two people are better parents to the child but rather, they are better partners to each other thus allowing each to be a better parent to the child.
jeez, i don't know if i can properly explain this. being a single parent, you have everything on your shoulders; being one of two, you have someone to share the responsibilities with. When you need 'that break' (which we all do), you can go to lunch with friends (baby free) while your partner stays home with the baby. It allows you to get out and be a person for a short while -- refresh yourself to be better.
but when you're the only one getting up in the middle of the night, day in and day out; you're the only one bringing home a (meager) paycheck; you're the only one to be mom and dad; you're the only one to handle everything . . .it can take its toll sometimes.
but when you have someone to share the ups and downs wtih, it helps you as a person. and when you feel better, you can be a better parent.
i really hope i got my point across...i suppose if we were talking in person, i'd be waving my hands because that magically helps me get my point across lol
but i'm not saying that it means all single parents shoudl automatically give their kids up to two parents..
I think as long as you have good people to raise kids it doesn't matter if they are one natural parent (like myself) or two adoptive parents.
I have two children and I think am doing a good Job at it, my daughter is the first kid in her kindergarten that is reading, and is well mannered child.
I can't say I agree with the NCFA.
I know lots of single mothers with amazing family support.
I was raised by a single mother, the BEING SINGLE part was't what hurt me as a child, it was everything else.
I could be a single mother in an instant. Life is short and you just never know when it's your or our partner's time to go. That wouldn't automatically make me a bad mother
maybe..but id never give up my son due to me being a single mama...i love him way to much to loose him...and we cant help it that we are the single parents its the guys fault for making it that way and not giving a rats *** about their own children!so no...*** the NCFA whatever they have to say....we can do it on our own being single...there are tough times yes but we all get through them tough times...and the fathers are the ones that make us single remember that!!
It's easier to raise a child with two parents. But easier doesn't necessarily mean better.
Aren't all newborns strangers to their parents or does a ';natural'; mother always understand what her baby is communicating when she/he cries or fusses or frowns or gurgles or makes that poopy face?
2 is BETTER... coming from a single mom. One person simply is not able to give as much as 2, and with 2 you have 2 minds, 2 ways of thinking, 2 to share the burden %26amp; the joys.
Doesn't matter how smart, fit, dedicated %26amp; devoted she/he is. It's just not possible to give as much as 2.
according to some yes.
But what bothers me is if something happens to the two parents and they become one parent are they in the same category that the single parent was in in the beginning? If so then what? Should they consider surrendering the child?
Sometimes. Depends on the individuals involved.
But I don't see being a single parent as automatically being a bad parent, either. I'm sure being a single parent is extremely difficult, but not impossible.
no! it depends on the morals of the people/person. wat if two of them are drug additcs and the one mom is a happy go lucky supporting person? you have to take each situation into account..
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;鈥?/a>
Well let's see - my ONE natural mother abandoned me at birth.
My TWO adoptive parents abandoned me after the birth of my son.
Nope, my TWO adoptive parents sucked 2x more then my ONE natural mother.
The NCFA can go screw themselves.
I believe two parents would generally do a better job than one. People that adopt have made a decision to raise that child as their own. Not that a single mother cannot do a good job, many do.
It would have to depend upon the natural parent just as it would have to depend upon the two adoptive parents.
Quality not quantity should be the focus.
I think if your a single mother you can do it.You shouldn't have to adopt your child out just because you are a single parent.My mom was with 4 kids for 16 years!She has done a wonderful job!
I think the NCFA is all wet.
I do agree it's a lot more work to do a good job without a spouse, but that is not a reason to tell a woman she ';should'; give her children up for adoption.
cw
I know single parents and I know couple parents.
Both have positive and negative aspects and I think it really depends on the parent(s) instead of whether they are a couple or a single.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Can a fellow parent recommend a vehicle?
For four adults AND an infant carrier/car seat, that's great on gas? Something the size of a Nissan Altima or bigger.
We're driving about 6 hours (says Y! Maps, but with a baby its going to be longer!) to Atlanta, so it needs to be really comfortable too! Mom and I are hoping its going to be just us and Jamie (who will be... 5 months then) but worse case scenario its all four of us.Can a fellow parent recommend a vehicle?
I'm not too sure about the great on gas part, but I would never drive another car again after driving my Honda Odyssey. (minivan)Can a fellow parent recommend a vehicle?
Get a mini-van.
The Kia.. Somethingorother. Sorento maybe? Not positive.. But I know it exists. Anyway, it got great crash test reviews.
The Hyundai Entourage also got good reviews, but I think it's also better looking than the Kia
Especially if that picture of the baby is a new baby, then a mini-van is a good idea. Lots of stuff will be going in there, strollers and whatever, and who knows, maybe there'll be more kids too.
I'm not really a parent, but I know what i'm talking about :]
i have driven my bosses vehicles for work with their children. here is my experience. in my experience i have driven, a Honda Oddesy (van) Lexus something or other (suv) and a subaru outback (hybrid car) , also my own vehicle is a 4 dr honda civic (which i have transported children easily.)
honda oddesy- lots of space, easy to load/unload children and car seats tons of space for adults. i am tall and sometimes find vehicles 'squishy' but this one had lots of space. i think out of all my experience this was the best vehicle.
lexus suv- not worth the money the family paid for it for sure. i didn't like the space, or how it drove. it was not my choice for what to drive for sure.
the subaru outback- it's great on gas, it's not for anyone who wants to 'look cool' as it is basically a station wagon. it would be a little more squishy if 4 adults and a baby were to all go to one place, but it is do-able.
my car- honda civic- i like how it drives etc. it would be a little tight with 4 adults and a baby again. although i'm thinking any car would be. you are definately better off in a van.
my overall recomendation is a Honda oddesy. it was wonderful to drive and would have plenty of space for many adults and children
kia sephia
thats what i drive
diegos car seat is in the middle in the back, room enough for 2 more people in the back and passenger in the from and the driver.
i barely ever have to get gas, i dont know exactly how many miles per gallon it gets but its alot as its a 4-cylinder
the car drives smooth and if you have cloth seats in it, its very comfortable.
i love it
I would get an SUV...such as a Chevrolet Equinox or Honda Pilot. If you get a 5 passenger sedan, you are going to be squished. I suggest a larger SUV so you have better room. Or even maybe a van, such as a Honda Oddysey.
';carry me caravan take me away, take me to Portugal take me to spain ';
What about a dodge minivan or caravan??
** I have a nissan altima 2005....The back seat would be Very cramped for that long of a trip.
An Altima is a small Sedan... not good for a trip. My fav vehicle to drive with two kids is a Nissan Armada. It is big but it is comfty, and you can fit everything in it.
to rent or buy?
I like SUV's for long drives, though they aren't too great on gas. Honda pilot is a great one, and three rows of seats, so plenty of room.
four adults and an infant seat fits fine in our jeep grand cherokee laredo. i love it.
We're driving about 6 hours (says Y! Maps, but with a baby its going to be longer!) to Atlanta, so it needs to be really comfortable too! Mom and I are hoping its going to be just us and Jamie (who will be... 5 months then) but worse case scenario its all four of us.Can a fellow parent recommend a vehicle?
I'm not too sure about the great on gas part, but I would never drive another car again after driving my Honda Odyssey. (minivan)Can a fellow parent recommend a vehicle?
Get a mini-van.
The Kia.. Somethingorother. Sorento maybe? Not positive.. But I know it exists. Anyway, it got great crash test reviews.
The Hyundai Entourage also got good reviews, but I think it's also better looking than the Kia
Especially if that picture of the baby is a new baby, then a mini-van is a good idea. Lots of stuff will be going in there, strollers and whatever, and who knows, maybe there'll be more kids too.
I'm not really a parent, but I know what i'm talking about :]
i have driven my bosses vehicles for work with their children. here is my experience. in my experience i have driven, a Honda Oddesy (van) Lexus something or other (suv) and a subaru outback (hybrid car) , also my own vehicle is a 4 dr honda civic (which i have transported children easily.)
honda oddesy- lots of space, easy to load/unload children and car seats tons of space for adults. i am tall and sometimes find vehicles 'squishy' but this one had lots of space. i think out of all my experience this was the best vehicle.
lexus suv- not worth the money the family paid for it for sure. i didn't like the space, or how it drove. it was not my choice for what to drive for sure.
the subaru outback- it's great on gas, it's not for anyone who wants to 'look cool' as it is basically a station wagon. it would be a little more squishy if 4 adults and a baby were to all go to one place, but it is do-able.
my car- honda civic- i like how it drives etc. it would be a little tight with 4 adults and a baby again. although i'm thinking any car would be. you are definately better off in a van.
my overall recomendation is a Honda oddesy. it was wonderful to drive and would have plenty of space for many adults and children
kia sephia
thats what i drive
diegos car seat is in the middle in the back, room enough for 2 more people in the back and passenger in the from and the driver.
i barely ever have to get gas, i dont know exactly how many miles per gallon it gets but its alot as its a 4-cylinder
the car drives smooth and if you have cloth seats in it, its very comfortable.
i love it
I would get an SUV...such as a Chevrolet Equinox or Honda Pilot. If you get a 5 passenger sedan, you are going to be squished. I suggest a larger SUV so you have better room. Or even maybe a van, such as a Honda Oddysey.
';carry me caravan take me away, take me to Portugal take me to spain ';
What about a dodge minivan or caravan??
** I have a nissan altima 2005....The back seat would be Very cramped for that long of a trip.
An Altima is a small Sedan... not good for a trip. My fav vehicle to drive with two kids is a Nissan Armada. It is big but it is comfty, and you can fit everything in it.
to rent or buy?
I like SUV's for long drives, though they aren't too great on gas. Honda pilot is a great one, and three rows of seats, so plenty of room.
four adults and an infant seat fits fine in our jeep grand cherokee laredo. i love it.
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